Discipline

Discipline is not a popular word. Self-discipline is even worse as it implies giving up something that I really really want or am somehow convinced that I need. I’ve recognized my need for work in this area before and have, at times, made progress with varying degrees of success. I find myself once again circling back around to the need for discipline specifically in the area of food. Having been diagnosed with IBS when I was 25, I have battled certain foods off and on for several years. Sometimes I would be able to eat pretty much anything, and then IBS would flare up again and I would have to be really careful. Over the past two or three years the spaces between flare-ups have gotten much smaller and I have found the need to completely eliminate some foods that I love (bye-bye ice cream) from my diet permanently. While I have had some success in the past with sticking to a really healthy, real-food diet, it seems our schedule would get busy or I would get stressed or over-tired and run right back to the easy convenience of fast food, sugar, and caffeine. Over the past few months I find I have struggled even more in this area and have had more days when I felt terrible than good days and have known that if I would only exercise some discipline in the area of what I put into my body, I would feel better. However, I like Mt. Dew, doughnuts, Wendy’s chicken sandwiches, fried chicken, brownies, and potato chips. Yes, I know those things are not necessarily evil, but definitely not healthy or beneficial, and what’s more if my Heavenly Father is telling me that I need to exercise self-control and to stay away from those things, then I had better listen. I also know that a grandmother and great-grandmother (and I think also a great-great-grandmother) died in their fifties of either colon or ovarian cancer and that there is diabetes on both sides of the family which means my genetics point to the need to be really careful about the fuel I choose for my body. However, I have such an attachment to the morning Mt. Dew or the “that time of the month” binge on brownies and Fritos that so far, I have ignored the need for discipline.

So what has changed? My heart. I desire a closer relationship with God, I long for the day when I am no longer spiritually dry and I recognize that my Father is calling for me to trust Him in the area of food. Maybe later, after there has been a true heart and mind change and true evidence of discipline in this area, I will be free to very occasionally enjoy an unhealthy treat, but for now, I need to stick to real food – to fruits and vegetables, to lean baked or grilled chicken or fish and stay away from the growing list of things that have been making me sick. The change starts tomorrow with a few days of liquid fasting to clear out the residual toxins and then onto a new (for me) way of eating. I must admit that tonight I am fighting the urge to run in the kitchen and eat my way through the Cheetos, potato chips, Triscuits, granola bars, and whatever else I can find. I recognize the need for self-control – I never said exercising it was going to be easy. Sigh, so instead, I will sign off and brush my teeth and look forward to what God will teach me in this season (which I realize may very well need to be a lifetime) of strict discipline with food.